"Always go forward, never go back"

This was a bit of advice from my Corporations professor in law school. Sometimes, they would tuck random advice into their lectures and, sometimes, it actually turned out to be good. This advice stayed with me and echoed in my head, on repeat, as James and I drove from Oakland to Seattle. Partly, due to the fact that we were driving a 16' Penske truck and towing my Honda in a car trailer.

Going backwards was not a good idea in the truck. I said this to him a few times, but he generally just does what he wants when he'd driving. So I had to be prepared for anything. The only really scary moment was pulling into a gas station packed with other cars when someone took our spot and J. wanted to squeeze into another stall. My mind flashed to a picture of us jack-knifed, surrounded by honking cars, not even able to reach the gas pump. Luckily, that didn't happen. We got our gas and got out of there.

Lots of nightmare scenarios like this have surfaced and played themselves out in my mind over and over lately. There are times when we are just not nice to each other. He acts weird and petty in lots of different ways several times a day, and I re-act to every weird little thing he does, and get mean and retaliatory. This is a rough start. But hey, we are here and we are trying to make a go of it - for better for worse. More later.