Moving On
I am not exactly over it, but I'm definitely getting there. I need another placeholder -- here's what I can put down for now.
Weather in Seattle has been bizarre. This is what's been happening in my life: After an insane and wonderful 20 hour date with a guy who is now overseas for a year (more on that later), I started an excruciating evening class to study for the WA Bar Exam while still working FT at the Union. In an effort to not-obsess about the overseas guy, I started casually seeing someone else (who I'm not that into), and have continued to hang on to my goal of cultivating the tiny seedling of a social life here in Seattle. Oh, and the other morning someone mangled my car in a hit-and-run accident while it was parked on the street outside my apartment. The backdrop to all of this is that an intense heat wave hit the city. Nohting has been normal. I basically haven't been able to concentrate on anything.
For the past several weeks, starting roughly around the time of my Dad's visit in late May, temperatures have climbed from 70-80-90 degrees. The city seemed to revel in it, the warmth & the sun, the summer dresses & the outdoor beer gardens. The trend finally broke about two nights ago, when it suddenly turned monsoon-like. After getting out of class at 9:05 pm, I walked out onto the streets of the U-District and knew right away, it was over. The dark skies, the humid air, and the strange, violent winds -- they seemed to be sweeping everything up. By the time I got home, my windows were practically torn off their hinges and debris had blown in from the open windows. We knew it would end of course. It was too early for true summertime in Seattle. But it was sweet while it lasted. This weird time. Maybe now I can hole up here and study or, at least, write.
I am rethinking the direction of my life. The whole thing with James felt like the end of the line in a certain way. Perhaps not the end of "the" line but the end of "a" line. Like a line on the subway system, like say, the end of the Richmond line. Last week, it dawned on me that I am scared of living my own life, and that I have been using my relationships as default directions for my life. I haven't figured out what to do with this yet, but it is definitely a discovery. If I fail the Bar Exam, I think I would be grateful in way. I felt trapped by James and that relationship (he was right) and I still feel trapped by my job, my lifestyle, and other things. But I am slowly breaking free. I am working on a plan to break free.
Weather in Seattle has been bizarre. This is what's been happening in my life: After an insane and wonderful 20 hour date with a guy who is now overseas for a year (more on that later), I started an excruciating evening class to study for the WA Bar Exam while still working FT at the Union. In an effort to not-obsess about the overseas guy, I started casually seeing someone else (who I'm not that into), and have continued to hang on to my goal of cultivating the tiny seedling of a social life here in Seattle. Oh, and the other morning someone mangled my car in a hit-and-run accident while it was parked on the street outside my apartment. The backdrop to all of this is that an intense heat wave hit the city. Nohting has been normal. I basically haven't been able to concentrate on anything.
For the past several weeks, starting roughly around the time of my Dad's visit in late May, temperatures have climbed from 70-80-90 degrees. The city seemed to revel in it, the warmth & the sun, the summer dresses & the outdoor beer gardens. The trend finally broke about two nights ago, when it suddenly turned monsoon-like. After getting out of class at 9:05 pm, I walked out onto the streets of the U-District and knew right away, it was over. The dark skies, the humid air, and the strange, violent winds -- they seemed to be sweeping everything up. By the time I got home, my windows were practically torn off their hinges and debris had blown in from the open windows. We knew it would end of course. It was too early for true summertime in Seattle. But it was sweet while it lasted. This weird time. Maybe now I can hole up here and study or, at least, write.
I am rethinking the direction of my life. The whole thing with James felt like the end of the line in a certain way. Perhaps not the end of "the" line but the end of "a" line. Like a line on the subway system, like say, the end of the Richmond line. Last week, it dawned on me that I am scared of living my own life, and that I have been using my relationships as default directions for my life. I haven't figured out what to do with this yet, but it is definitely a discovery. If I fail the Bar Exam, I think I would be grateful in way. I felt trapped by James and that relationship (he was right) and I still feel trapped by my job, my lifestyle, and other things. But I am slowly breaking free. I am working on a plan to break free.
posted by Lisa at 11:14 AM
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